Be Still

When we dropped in the water, it felt like plunging into a glass of ice water on a hot summer day. The sun was hot and I could feel it beating down on my shoulders. I lifted myself into my kayak as I said a prayer to Jesus, please keep everyone safe. Jason my husband sits down in the seat behind me as we jolt into the water. The water was lower then usual which made it choppier then I am used to.
As we head down a quiet path of calm water everyone settles in with the confidence that it should be a fairly easy ride. We start to paddle into the next rapid when I look up to see my son Quinton, who is in the raft a head launch out headfirst. He looked like a floppy fish fling throu the air. I Yelled, QUINTON !!!!!! The only thing I can do is paddle as hard as I can to get to him. I completely forget that I am headed for the same rapid and need to get through it before I can even think about helping him. Just then our kayak is completely flipped over and both my husband and I are thrown out. I was dumped right into a whirlpool. I could not breath; all I could see was white. I felt my body being pulled around; I was hitting my foot on a rock. I tried to swim out of it, I did not know where the top or bottom was I tried to push myself off on the rock but I was being jerked around so much I missed it every time. It was like I was in a blender on a mechanical bull with a bag over my head, there was no way out. I was scared, a million thought were rushing through my mind, Quinn is he ok, my other kids they need me to fight this, Jason I can’t leave him yet he needs me to fight this. I had been under it felt like five minuets, in reality it was probably about 80 seconds. I felt like it was the end then I started to pray, God told me, be still. The more I try to fight the water the more it pulled me down. I was getting tired and I had no air so I let go. I just let my body relax and flow with the water like a green piece of seaweed I let the water carry me, almost instantly it spit me back out into the rapids. My life jacket was above my head so I was still under the water. I pulled it down as much as I could and struggled for any air I could get. I had to ride out the rest of the rapids. I could feel my feet and legs hitting rocks as the river pulled me down stream. Each time it felt like the sidewalk feels when you fall of your bike. I was able to get a few small breaths but with each breath I swallowed the river. I had water in my ears my nose and mouth. I felt sick to my stomach, still unsure that I was going to make it. I started to throw up all the extra water it felt like my guts were going to explode as water poured out of both my mouth and my nose. I then could finally see my kayak floating ahead of me. I was so tired that I could not even swim to it. I pulled my jacket down so that my head could have a little support I needed to breath. I came up out of the last rapid, still unsure of where my son was. I took my first deep breath and as I let it out I yelled “WHERE IS QUINN”. It was like one of those dreams where you yell but nothing comes out. But someone did hear me; they yelled back “he is fine”. I yelled again “WHERE IS QUINN” I heard again “he is fine”. With the relief that Quinn was safe I took in a few deep breaths. I then used all of my left over energy to swim to the kayak but I could not pull myself in. The thought of lifting my body over the life jacket and into the kayak was not even conceivable. I held on to the side as my husband swam from another kayak over to me.
I was done with the river trip at this point and would have gotten out. The only problem is there is no place to get out. We had only gone about a mile in a six-mile run and we had to finish. I was tired and terrified that something else was going to happen. Then I realized that this was more then a river trip this was a hit over the head by God.
Exodus 14; 13-14
Moses answered to the people,
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will se the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The lord will fight for you; you need only to be still”.
My journey with God has taken me to a place in life where I have had to learn to be still. I gave it to God completely by surrendering everything and trusting that he would fight my battle. This is not an easy thing because I am a fighter. God has been telling me to give up the fight and let him fight the battle for me. Just like he told the Israelites to be still, the fight was more then they could handle but to trust in him and he would fight for them. When they were able to do so, he parted the waters of the Red Sea and they were saved. I to have been waiting for my waters to part but I feel like the river has been rising around me. When I was stuck in the whirlpool I was forced to let go. The more I fought the deeper I was. When I finally let go, I was almost instantly released from the force of the world or in this case the water. As I continued down the river I discovered that there were more rapids and even bigger ones. Instead of being over confident during the slow times that I would use those times to relax and get into position for the next rough waters. All I have to do is paddle till I was ready to go in then hold my paddle in the air and just ride with the river. I felt the waves hitting me; I felt the rocking of the boat. When I held my arms high I glided over the top into still water. I then felt like I was on a ship instead of a kayak and it was not so scary.
The river of life never slows or stops. It is unpredictable it turns and bends it is constantly changing. When we fight to try and control the water around us it will send us into a whirlpool. We can fight till we feel like we will die. It is never to late to give it up to Jesus. He is waiting for us and hears our cries but it is up to us to let go.
Psalm 18; 16-19
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster but he lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.