Quiet

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted, but what can I say. Life has taken a huge turn for my family and me. We loved Idaho and it was good to be close to all the people who love you. Because of my head strong ways and lack of adult stimulation I wanted to open a business at the very apparent wrong time. We failed at our business venture. I need to say this out loud because it is OK to fail. It is only with failure that you can learn and grow. There once was a man who failed terrible with the first two business ventures and when he tried the third time everyone was sceptical. There is now a town named after this man and he has been one of the most successful American in history. The town is Hershey's PA, someday there will be a town after me too, oh wait there all ready are a bunch. Maybe not after me but we share the same name. I am on an adventure that I like to call life and it has taken me to lots of places. I will not ever stop doing more then I think that I can do, being stronger then I think that I am, dancing even when there is no music and laughing out loud.

So all this being said we have landed in Minnesota. This is where my husband grew up and is a great state, he does have some family here. My family is not, this is a good and bad thing. If you know me then you also know that my family is lots of drama. My family is also all that I know. Even though they sometimes suck me dry of everything I am, when it is family it is expected and OK. Now that I have stepped away from that role I can see how much it really was effecting who I was and how exhausted I really was.

Now that I have had five months of rest and the kids are back in school I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Only there is one problem, I have no relationships here. For me, this is weird and I am not sure how to go about making new ones. All of my relationship have been built around my family and now I do not have any of those roots to build on. Sometimes you pray for silence, pray that your life calm down and that you can have that peace you have always dreamed of.

The peace that I needed was well over due and I did need this last few months to recover. But that craziness is also what made who I was. Not having the phone ringing off the hook and people coming over with out notice, crazy schedules with little rest, never a morning to sleep in, kids running in and out of the house, never getting to bed till 11:30, big dinners, long days, and love of the ones who need you always there. The feeling of being needed, the feeling of making a difference, knowing that if you do not show up or if you are sick someone would notice.

It will come again and the Lord always leads me in the direction I am to go, but in this time of silence I will grieve.

I am glad that I am here, I know that there is a lot here that I am left to do. God has sent us here for reasons that we do not even understand yet. I am grateful and blessed to be able to listen to what he is saying. Most times I do not know what is coming next, but I trust that what ever comes my way is for the greatness of God. It may not be what I want but it will make me stronger and closer to the peacefulness of who I am. Quiet is what I longed for and Quiet is what I needed but it is also the Quiet that I fear. When life becomes too quiet we can understand why we love the ones we do and how, even though others may seem to drain us, that we need that drain otherwise our tub gets too full.

All of the quiet has reminded me of what is important to me and has brought my husband back to the center of my heart. In the hustle and bustle sometimes you start to grow away from each other, not because you want to but because the stress becomes too much. Even if the stress is not causes by the other person there are associated with it. Either you feel guilty for your part in the stress or they just remind you of the life you can not handle. Over time you start to blame and grow apart. Being away has brought me back. Back to the man that a fell in love with back to the life we imagined and back to the wife that I love to be.

I have been home for the last nine years for my children. Every bone in my body has wanted more then the stay home job but the most important thing to me is my children and the life that the love between my husband and I have created. I have given everything up to be with my children and give them the stability of a strong family. They are all great kids with promising future of wholeness in there adult life. Being home in the past was filled with others draining the tub and I had little left over for the children. I thought that I was staying home for my babies but now I realize that I had more then just my babies to take care of. They are now mostly in school and maybe do not need me as much as they did before. When I look at today I feel more like the mother I wanted to be and not the mother that I was trying to be. When things get quiet you discover that who you are and who you want to be are two different things. You can be who you want to be, that is what they always told you right? It is true you just have to take control of who you are first. Quiet your life and listen, not just an hour or a long weekend but a stillness that can not be interrupted and you will see deep inside your heart. You know that this deepness exists but we get lost in how to find it. We start to look for it with false paths, these are only illusions. Doing good for your church, staying home with the children, feeding the family, giving to the less fortunate or what ever it is that you do to try to find that spot in you heart. You will not, till you are quiet, quiet in life and in your relationships, the stillness of this will bring out places that you have longed for. A place that no one else can fill, a place where you find your true being.

So today remind yourself that the craziness and busyness of your life is only there because you are afraid to stop. May be because you are truly afraid of what you may find when you look deep within. But once you can discover the quiet you will not want to let it go.

Love

The man I married is my best friend and the most amazing person I have ever met !

He is always there for me and is my biggest fan. He supports me in what ever I do. He comforts me when my heart is hurting and he encourages me when I feel like giving up. He loves me in the good times and the bad and he will never give up on us. We have a beautiful marriage and a wonderful life. A life that has been built on love and compassion, and one that is true and pure.

Through this love we have three Innocent and brilliant children. They make our days brighter and our lives fuller. They are all very different and all very loved. It is truly amazing what the love between two people can create. 

Home sweet Home

There's no place like home, That is the truth. 

But really isn't home where you make it? So that makes home in your heart. So if you are at peace with who you are then you have a peaceful home. Your home is welcoming and comfortable.  If you are restless then your home is restless. Your home in uninviting and dark. 

We have just recently moved very far away from our home in Idaho and now we are trying to dig in some roots in our new location. We have all the same furniture and decorations. We have the children and our marriage. We have unpacked the boxes and filled the pantry. Together my husband and I have built a life of peace. When you walk into our home you feel it at the door. We are gentle with our children and loving to each other. Most anybody is welcome to come into our home and be who you are, eat, relax, ever stay the night. There is always laughter during the good times and you can find a safe place to cry when times are rough. 

So even though we have moved away from all of your familiar surroundings, we still have everything we are. You can live in the nicest house and you can have a lot of great things but if you do not have inner peace you have nothing. This peace is the wind through he trees, the humming bird by your window, the smell of fresh bread baking in the oven, a long hot bath after a cold day, breath in the peace and let it flow out your finger tips. 

This peace has moved with us and we take everywhere we go. Live life to the fullest and love the relationships you have they may not be around forever. 

Cabin Life

We spent the weekend at the cabin, it was so relaxing that by Sunday I could barley talk. We sat by the lake and watched the kids play, then sat on the front porch and watch the kids ride bikes, then went for a boat ride, then road the jet skies, then sat by the lake and watch the kids play, then sat on the porch and watch them ride bikes........ you get the picture. 

Nana with Lu and Quinn showing her stuff on the jet ski
Torrie and Lu on the water tramp
Me making some moves on the jet ski - these are a lot of fun!
Torri and Lu relaxing on the water tramp, waiting for there turn on the jet skies
Oh wait there was some work to be done......... someone had to put the tramp in the water. 

We had a great weekend and look forward to spending more time up there. 

Moving Minnesota

After packing the house loading the trucks and gassing up the rigs we set off for Minnesota. About 7:00 pm on Monday the first of June we headed for Idaho Falls about four hours away. Everything was good till we hit the worst rain storm I have ever seen in Idaho we rolled in to Idaho Falls at about 1:00 in the morning - very tired!

The next day we headed for Bozeman MT. I lost the guys and ended up taking the other freeway that takes you through west yellow stone. It was beautiful but took a lot longer then I expected. After hitting a herd of Bison, taking a detour to Big Sky and being stooped twice for long construction delays, we pulled in to Bozeman at about 5:00 pm. We had a quick bite with Jason's brother who lives in Bozeman and hit the road to billings. By this time we had about 17 hours in the car for about 12 hours worth of miles. We were all a little cranky. 
Ok - we were serious about getting there. But since we have came all tis way lets take the little bit longer way and let the kids see Mnt Rushmore, Right? So we head for Rapid City and up the Mountain, behind two very slow moving trucks, and what? It would have been great to see if it were not completley in the clouds. So back down we go and the freeway is what we hit. That night we made it to Sioux Falls Sd.

Time to pull it in - 6 hours to home. We pulled in to the cities at about 4:00 pm and were ready for a cold beer and a good night sleep.

You Don't Get Cuter Then This!

These guys are my life and I love them for it...... 

Happy Birthday Lynn

Today is Jason's Mom's birthday, she would have been 55. She died last May of Ovarian Cancer after a battle of two years. She loved to be outside and to see new things. She was a big part of our lives. It is weired not having her around and it is always the first mile stones that are the hardest. Jason has been really strong through all the stages of grief but sometimes it hits you like a brick wall. 

There have been times when you think that you see her walking down the street, or when you suddenly get the urge to call and tell her something. Loosing someone so close to you and such a big part of your life is a numb silence that dose not go away but rather becomes a part of you. 

She also loved her one and only child Jason. She always took a lot of pride in having such a perfect child (barf). He sure is a handsome guy, this is Lynn and Jason when he graduated from the Marine Corp boot camp. She was there for all his achievements and supported him in everything he did. A mothers love is something that can never be replicated nor replaced. 
She also loved animals, this was her beloved dog Sadie. Sadie was by her side till she went to Jesus. Sadie even lived in the assisted living apartment for a few weeks. Her gentleness and understanding drew animals and children to her. She was always willing to take the time to listen. Sadie was a stray dog, until she found Lynn. Lynn opened her heart and her home to Sadie. 

She was able to open her heart to many people that we would have just turned a cheek. But she always saw the good that others had and tried to stay focused on what was and not what wasn't. She took me in when I was a young mother and it was just Alysha and I. I knew nothing of Jason and was not introduced to him till years after Lynn and I met. She came into my life when a needed a friend and with no judgement or expectations was there for me. She was my friend when I had nothing to give, and was a grandma to Alysha before blood. These are the souls we pray for, but do not see till they are only memories of the impressions they left. 
Her openness is what kept her young. She enjoyed the moment and lived for the day. She loved her grand children and they loved her. They spent hours playing and reading together. She was the Grandma that would get on the floor and play with them. They miss her and talk about her all the time. Kids deal with grief too in there own little special way. 

She was also able to go on a cruise four weeks before she passed. This is a photo of her playing with the dolphins. Always a kid at heart even when she was so sick she could barley walk she did. She walked as long as her legs would carry her and she lived the life that Jesus gave her. I learned so much from her, thank you for always being there for me and being my friend when I needed one. 

Happy Birthday Lynn - Thank You For What You Were - You Are Missed!